Pretty bold statement eh? (pun very much intended). But just hear me out. In my 25 years of life, I have learned many important things, many unimportant things, and many life changing things. Now, aside from 17 years of school lessons, 10 years of relationship lessons, and a stream of random life lessons along the way, I've learned that the key to getting ahead in work, relationships, and life is simple. Act like a
Believe me, as a woman, I hate to admit this too. BUT the majority of men really do have some (key word here) things right simply by being an asshole, emotionless, rational, selfish, condescending and/or disrespectful. And the special place for all of you who don't fall into that category? Either married, because you're the catch of the lifetime, or living in that special place no single guy ever wants to be: In the friendzone. Does this make me sound bitter? Probably. But really men. I get it now. I understand why you are the way you are. Being that way assures that you live life relatively unscathed, and I think we could all benefit from less pain and more happiness, don't you?
Yes, I realize I'm making A TON of assumptions here and that MANY people don't fall into either category. So before I get hundreds of replies about how you're not a total jerk, or you're not an emotional crazy, let's pretend for the sake of this blog entry, that you are. And if we're being totally honest... I'm sure there's at least a part of 90% of you who fit quite perfectly into your given gender role. BUT before I start any more trouble, here's how acting like a man has benefitted me and here's how it can benefit you:
- Be an asshole sometimes. You won't get anywhere by letting people walk all over you.
- Keep your emotions and feelings in check at all times. Better yet... don't have emotions or feelings at all.
- Never EVER love somebody that doesn't love you. Move across the world if you have to ;).
- Keep your walls up until somebody proves they deserve you and all that you have to offer.
- Be on guard. At all times. People will bullshit you as a way to get something they so selfishly want. Don't fall for it.
- Be realistic. Optimism and pessimism will truly get you nowhere. Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies, but it's no hell on earth either. Accept the ups and downs as a normal part of life and move on.
- Be selfish. It's up to YOU to make things happen. Don't let anything or anyone get in your way.
- Never rely on anyone to fuel your own happiness. People can take it away at any time, and you need to learn to handle life on your own.
- Be in control of everything that you can control. Your time, your money, your body, your relationships, etc.
- Don't stress over things you can't change. Women are worriers by nature. Men are not. And men definitely have it right in this case.- Be very clear in stating how you feel. Keep in mind that like the rest of us, men aren't mind readers. And frankly, most of them are idiots. Ever notice how when a man first tells you he loves you, he simply says, "I love you". If you're a smart woman, you would wait for those words before making any move, and before falling in love in general (see above). But if you're a hopeless romantic and ehem.. an emotional crazy.. your grand scheme of a 5 page well written letter will undoubtedly fail horribly. Say it with me ladies. "I love you". "I L-O-V-E Y-O-U". That's how you speak like a man (and that's definitely how you speak TO a man). Spell everything out for them. letter. by. letter. Keep everything as simple and as mindless as possible. They might actually catch on if you choose that route.
Now ladies, of course I love that you put your heart and soul into everything you do. I love that you're inherently nurturing, selfless, and that you just spent over $150 and 3 hours of your life at the salon just to be told, "No, I don't notice anything different babe... what is it?" But the harsh reality is that we should all be used to people letting us down, feeding us bullshit, walking all over us, and being reckless with our feelings. The way we handle those situations is the only difference here. Acting like a lady will leave you crushed, devastated, and alone. Acting like a man will leave you happy, independent, and ready conquer the world. Who do you want to be?